17 September, 2008
Are you Smarter than Sarah Palin?
"I pushed her on the earth's creation, whether it was really less than 7,000 years old and whether dinosaurs and humans walked the earth at the same time. And she said yes, she'd seen images somewhere of dinosaur fossils with human footprints in them."
Munger also asked Palin if she truly believed in the End of Days, the doomsday scenario when the Messiah will return. "She looked in my eyes and said, 'Yes, I think I will see Jesus come back to earth in my lifetime.'"
If you can read the words that appear here, the answer is yes. If you admit you lied when confronted with proof, the answer is yes. If you think it's outrageous that rape victims should have to pay for their own forensic tests while hunters get paid $150 for a wolf's paw, I would go with a 'yay'. If you can memorize more than five simple messages, or if you realize that physical proximity does not produce expertise about a subject, or if the mere suggestion of banning books disgusts you, then yeah -- you can comfortably claim to be smarter than Sarah Palin.
If, on the other hand, the initial honeymoon with McCain's VP pick never really wore off, and you think she's a really great choice and will proudly vote for her and grandpa McCain, then no. You are at least as dumb as she is. Cherish that knowledge, because you'll likely go places. You could become a stock broker, a financial analyst, or a US President, or the head of any number of government agencies. You could become the CEO of a major American automobile company, like Ford or GM. You could become a star on a reality TV show! The sky's the limit, dipshit! All you need now is a time machine so you can go back to the year 2000, when people really appreciated assclownery of the highest order, because we're all pretty fed up with that now.
No more celebrating mediocrity, congratulating failures, or idolizing buffoons. Done. We expect Bush to take with him this uniquely American pride of one's own ignorance.
If, on the other hand, the initial honeymoon with McCain's VP pick never really wore off, and you think she's a really great choice and will proudly vote for her and grandpa McCain, then no. You are at least as dumb as she is. Cherish that knowledge, because you'll likely go places. You could become a stock broker, a financial analyst, or a US President, or the head of any number of government agencies. You could become the CEO of a major American automobile company, like Ford or GM. You could become a star on a reality TV show! The sky's the limit, dipshit! All you need now is a time machine so you can go back to the year 2000, when people really appreciated assclownery of the highest order, because we're all pretty fed up with that now.
No more celebrating mediocrity, congratulating failures, or idolizing buffoons. Done. We expect Bush to take with him this uniquely American pride of one's own ignorance.
16 September, 2008
I have a new hero
And he's a ... a... a... ... Republican!
Via Greenwald, Rep Mickey Edwards delivered this testimony today. Spot on, Congressman! Greetings and salutations from a fellow traveler. If only more of us on both sides of the so-called 'middle' were as interested in the rule of law and preeminence of the Constitution as you seem to be, judging from these remarks.
I take it you're a co-signatory to HR333, and that you've voted repeatedly to defund the bloody occupation of Iraq, and that you have sent all kinds of strongly-worded letters to the President about his domestic spying and torture and the rest of his illegal activities? Right? You do do more than recite purty speeches for the Congressional record, right? I don't doubt it. You seem like a real stand-up guy.
Oh, wait. My mistake. I see that you haven't been a member of Congress since 1992. Wow. For a minute there, I thought you were talking to your colleagues. I didn't realize you were an outsider looking in, offering the same kind of advice that other private citizens include in letters to their Congressmen that is dutifully ignored.
Still -- it was a great speech. I'm sure you lived those words during the Reagan Administration, right? When those guys were secretly selling weapons to the Iranians and drugs to Americans and using the proceeds to support a bunch of Central American terrorists, I'm sure you yelled 'foul' on the House floor at that outrageous crime against the Constitution, right? No doubt. Says so right there in your speech. I'll bet you were justifiably livid! And when all those Congressmen back in the Bush 41 days were writing all those magic checks that would not bounce, I'll bet you really tore into those bastards and gave 'em hell, didn't you?
Still...great speech. Too bad about all the hypocrisy, but better to end up on the right side than to have never joined it, huh?
I take it you're a co-signatory to HR333, and that you've voted repeatedly to defund the bloody occupation of Iraq, and that you have sent all kinds of strongly-worded letters to the President about his domestic spying and torture and the rest of his illegal activities? Right? You do do more than recite purty speeches for the Congressional record, right? I don't doubt it. You seem like a real stand-up guy.
Oh, wait. My mistake. I see that you haven't been a member of Congress since 1992. Wow. For a minute there, I thought you were talking to your colleagues. I didn't realize you were an outsider looking in, offering the same kind of advice that other private citizens include in letters to their Congressmen that is dutifully ignored.
Still -- it was a great speech. I'm sure you lived those words during the Reagan Administration, right? When those guys were secretly selling weapons to the Iranians and drugs to Americans and using the proceeds to support a bunch of Central American terrorists, I'm sure you yelled 'foul' on the House floor at that outrageous crime against the Constitution, right? No doubt. Says so right there in your speech. I'll bet you were justifiably livid! And when all those Congressmen back in the Bush 41 days were writing all those magic checks that would not bounce, I'll bet you really tore into those bastards and gave 'em hell, didn't you?
Still...great speech. Too bad about all the hypocrisy, but better to end up on the right side than to have never joined it, huh?
Too Ethical for Questioning
Kinda the way Right Said Fred was too sexy for his shirt, Sarah Palin is just too ethical for questioning.
A lot of people write to me and say, "hey, Dave -- I really dig that Sarah Palin for her honesty, integrity, and her ethics. Her maverick style is sure to really shake things up in DC when she starts reforming the shit out of everything!" And so forth. And then they ask, "just how reformy IS she, do you think?"
Great question. It looks like the Governor is attempting to answer that question lately, as directly as possible, primary by refusing to answer any questions.
Her campaign doesn't want her around journalists (or even TV personalities) who ask questions, for a start -- unless they can prove they've got nice things to say and they're not going to be a bunch of mean and nasty doodyheads. McCain's campaign chair Rick Davis said that now (campaign season) wouldn't be the "right time" to submit her to further questioning, because of the "combative" attitude the media has taken on. Seriously.
Well that makes perfect sense, doesn't it? She's a reformer! She's changing the way campaigns are run, by refusing to participate in one! That's some serious maverickness! Will she never stop with all the changing and reforming?
Actually, no!
Republican vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin is "unlikely to co-operate" with an inquiry into alleged abuse of power, a campaign spokesman has said.Ed O'Callaghan said the Alaska state legislative probe had become "tainted" by partisan Democratic politicians seeking to target the Alaska governor.
You've got to hand it to her -- that's some serious, reform-minded shit, right there. I realize she's been busy commanding the Alaskan National Guard and diplomacizing with neighboring Russia and all of that crazy complicated stuff that us normal people wouldn't understand about a Governor's job, but somebody should really tell Ms. Palin that kind of 'reform' -- refusing to answer questions about illegal or unethical activities -- is played out. Done. It's so over. That shit was played out before the Bush Administration brought it to a whole new level. Nixon mastered that shit over 30 years ago.
If she really wanted to be different, she would grant as many interviews as she can fit into her schedule, answer questions put to her by a state legislative probe, and direct her spokesmen to stop lying on her behalf.
But see -- that's the special genius of Sarah Palin, and what makes her so reformtastic and maveriffick: she knows exactly what the status quo is that's been laid down by the Bushies (extreme secrecy, gut-check decisions, above-the-law attitudes, etc), and is throwing everybody a curve ball by using the exact same playbook. See, it's different because it's exactly the same -- which is the opposite of what you'd expect! Nobody would ever have expected that John McCain, the maverick refomer, would select a female version of George W. Bush as his running mate! Take that!
Now that's change we can believe. Not "in". Just believe. I believe it, anyway. These cretins will do and say absolutely anything -- anything at all -- except the decent thing.
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