Foreign Policy 101-999

Professor Smartass provides everything you need to gain the same foreign policy experience that Sarah Palin has. Damn, experience is so easy to gain! That took almost as little time as it took Trinity to learn how to fly a Huey.

When is Breaking the Law Legal?

Totally awesome. Very unlikely that something like this would happen in the US, where property reigns supreme, but allow me to remind my fellow Americans that jury nullification is a real thing, and perfectly valid in the here and now.

Letterman gets it, too.

Can both Greenpeace and Letterman be right? I think so. Feel free to discuss, if you like.

Damon on Palin

I think that says it all...for now. I'm sure once we get an answer to the dinosaur question, there are likely to be a number of follow-up questions.

Election Fraud Watch, Vol'08, Issue 1

A few days ago, I was listening to Talk of the Nation on NPR, and the guest was John Fund of the Wall Street Journal.  The topic of conversation turned to election fraud, something near and dear to my heart because as a  crazy radical, I've got this totally nutty idea that American citizens have a right to vote, have those votes counted, and that people who try to stop them from doing so are, at best, anti-American assholes.

We have a long, proud (for those who engage in it) history of disenfranchising voters here in the US, and in recent years, a lot of the fun has been taken out of it because it's so much easier to do, thanks to technology.  Used to be you had to go through the trouble of implementing and administering different kinds of tests or collecting poll taxes or getting the gang together to scare off the colored people.  How things have changed (and not only that we now call them 'people of color', because switching the word order magically turns the phrase from rude to polite).

Now we have fancy machines that are owned and operated by private companies and that can tally votes however they're programmed to.  In no way are they limited to storing the data as collected from voters.  Oh, no!  That would be way too easy, and take ALL the fun out of it.  They can simply ignore votes for one candidate, or give a fraction of a vote to a particular candidate while the other gets two, or whatever a programmer with a little minibar key cares to dream up.

It doesn't end there, either.  In order to ensure that these votes are fully 'secure' and easier than ever to tally, there is no federal mandate for a paper trail that could be used as hard evidence that voters actually voted the way they thought they voted.

Ah, but what if, you ask, the voting machines actually work the way they should in a free and fair democratic election?  Worry not, my friend.  I am here to tell you there are stopgaps for such eventualities.  Don't forget that the data contained within the voting machine still needs to be transmitted to a central tabulator!  There is all kinds of opportunity for shenanigans at that point in the process too, in order to ensure that America remains proudly led by those who are really supposed to lead her, and not by some clown preferred by voters.  We all know how wrong voters can be.  They don't always have a good grasp on what's in their own best interests.

So anyway -- they were talking with John Fund about election fraud, and a number of issues were raised.  John Fund was quick to point out that it's not just Republicans who like to steal elections and commit egregious acts of fraud against the country and its citizenry.  Oh, no!  Democrats do it too, he said.  And to illustrate his point, he mentioned the group ACORN and some trouble they've gotten into before having to do with forged voter registration records and whatnot.  And to top it all off, Barack Obama himself did some kind of work for ACORN at some point in his past.  So you see, the Democrats are JUST AS BAD!

Only they're not.

You see, in the case of ACORN, what you have is an occasional over-zealous volunteer who makes up names and tries to get fictional characters registered to vote.  (I don't remember Fund saying anything about these invented personas actually showing up to the polls.)

On the other side, the Republican side, what you have is elected officials, ones who are specifically charged with the task of overseeing the administration of free and fair elections, doing any number of unethical and illegal things to make sure that some votes are counted while others are never cast.  In Florida in 2000, it was Sec. of State Katherine Harris, also George W. Bush's FL campaign chair, spending millions of taxpayers dollars for a list of nearly 100,000 people to be removed from the voter registration rolls -- a list with an error rate of over 95%.  In Ohio 2004, we saw Sec. of State Ken Blackwell (aka "Kenny Boy II", aka George W. Bush's OH campaign chair) telling people they needed a certain thickness of paper on their voter registration forms and throwing out those that were too thin -- even though those very forms were sent to potential voters by his office.  He also made sure that Republican-leaning precincts had plenty of machines to ensure they wouldn't have to wait, and supplying insufficient voting machinery to Democratic-leaning precincts in the hopes that people, who usually have lives outside the 1 or 2 times they vote every four years, would get frustrated and leave.   Many other strange and magical events transpired in OH in 2004, including a few precincts where -- inexplicably! -- many voters voted straight-ticket Democrat with only one exception:  they chose Bush for President.  No doubt they just really liked the cut of his jib.

There are many, many stories like it -- and worse -- from FL, OH, and other states.  A very clear pattern emerges when you look at the facts:  Republicans do everything they can legally do (and many things they can't) to prevent people from voting, while Democrats do what they can to get out the vote.  That's the clear pattern.  Note I did not say that it applies to every single anecdote you ever heard about voting irregularities, but in the context of the last eight years, that has been the clear pattern.

And it goes on.  Yesterday, the Michigan Messenger reported, in an article titled, "Lose Your House, Lose Your Vote", that:

The chairman of the Republican Party in Macomb County Michigan, a key swing county in a key swing state, is planning to use a list of foreclosed homes to block people from voting in the upcoming election as part of the state GOP’s effort to challenge some voters on Election Day.

Never mind the fact that you might still be living in your foreclosed home, trying to negotiate with your lender.  Never mind the fact that home foreclosure does not change your citizenship status. If your voter registration says you live at that address, and that address matches a house that's been foreclosed, too bad!  No vote for you!  I wonder what equivalency Fund can attribute to Democrats.  Maybe he'll find a case of somebody registering a homeless felon or something.  Egad!  Can you imagine?  What if TOO MANY people voted?!

Let's hope this issue gets settled before the election, because there are sure to be many other cases like it in the weeks to come.  Those filthy anti-American Republicans just HATE it when people vote -- especially those  "people of color", who are sure to demonstrate an uncomfortably high level of support for that black, non-Republican candidate.

Since today is 9/11, I suppose I should say something about that.

Remember the BushBot explanation for why those terrorists attacked us like they did?  "They hate us for our freedoms."  I guess that makes them soulmates with the Republican Party.  Clearly they hate our freedoms, too.

A GWB Going-Away Party

I'm sure there will be many more such parties at various government offices while Bush is on his way out, and I sure hope they're all as good as this one.

Government officials handling billions of dollars in oil royalties improperly engaged in sex with employees of energy companies they were dealing with and received numerous gifts from them, federal investigators said Wednesday.

Oh yeah, baby!  Yeah!  You say the energy company employees are the screwees for once?  Awesome!  So what if they're giving it up to get some of their own?  They're still getting schtooped, and it's the only way I've ever heard of it happening!   Yeah!

The alleged transgressions involve 13 former and current Interior Department employees in Denver and Washington. Their alleged improprieties include rigging contracts, working part-time as private oil consultants, and having sexual relationships with - and accepting golf and ski trips and dinners from - oil company employees, according to three reports released Wednesday by the Interior Department's inspector general.

Oh, bless those little Bushies' hearts for making what used to be satire come to life so vividly! If Bill Hicks were still alive, he'd have to sue for plagiarism. Love it!

Please, oh sweet baby Lord Jesus, PLEASE let at least some of that sex turn out to be some of that special brand of freaky Republican gay sex we hear about from time to time!  With diapers and/or groups and/or animals, if it's not too much to ask!  Thank you, Lord. 

Click the link and read the whole article. It's a keeper. Just another great (perfect?) illustration of how government works with Republicans running things.

As an aside:  I'll bet those guys party harder than any of the rest of Toby Keith's fans.

O beautiful for spacious skies,
For amber waves of grain,
For purple mountain majesties
Above the fruited plain!
America! America!
God shed his grace on thee
And crown thy good with brotherhood
From sea to shining sea!

O beautiful for pilgrim feet
Whose stern impassioned stress
A thoroughfare of freedom beat
Across the wilderness!
America! America!
God mend thine every flaw,
Confirm thy soul in self-control,
Thy liberty in law!

US & Israel, BFF

This is from the Washington Post, about Bob Woodward's new book:

Meanwhile, Woodward reports that Casey, the president's commanding general in Iraq from 2004 to 2007, came to believe that Bush did not understand the nature of the Iraq war, that the president focused too much on body counts as a measure of progress.

"Casey had long concluded that one big problem with the war was the president himself," Woodward writes. "He later told a colleague in private that he had the impression that Bush reflected the 'radical wing of the Republican Party that kept saying, "Kill the bastards! Kill the bastards! And you'll succeed." ' "

This is from The Independent, about Olmert's problems:

The letter to the Attorney General, Menachem Mazuz, refers to a book by two Israeli journalists, Raviv Drucker and Ofer Shelah, which says that Mr Mofaz, after ensuring he was not being officially recorded, called for a Palestinian death toll of 70 per day.

When American Presidential and Vice Presidential candidates make pandering appearances before AIPAC, the basic template of what must be said is this:

"We had a good productive discussion on the importance of the U.S.-Israel relationship, and we were pleased that Gov. Palin expressed her deep, personal, and lifelong commitment to the safety and well-being of Israel," AIPAC spokesman Josh Block said.

Deep, personal, and lifelong.  In other words, we rest assured that there is no critical thought involved, and her kneejerk support is sufficiently autopiloted.

The meeting with Palin was in secret, with Joe Lieberman at her side (always a big plus), so we don't know for sure whether Palin really sealed the deal with an expression of suitable bloodlust for any motherfucker who might even give Israel the skunk-eye, like when Hillary really poured it on by threatening to "obliterate" Iran, but like I said, Lieberman was there, so I'm sure it was all very Serious and Supportive.  To a fault.

Stay the Course

Gov. Palin Is Pro-Welfare...for herself.

I have my doubts that the McCain/Palin campaign is going to be stumping on the trail for welfare benefits for elected officials above and beyond their salaries, but apparently Sarah Palin, former mayor of the meth capitol of Alaska, is a big believer in welfare...for her. The Washington Post (frothy-mouthed bastion of liberal media that it is (not)) reports:

Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin has billed taxpayers for 312 nights spent in her own home during her first 19 months in office, charging a "per diem" allowance intended to cover meals and incidental expenses while traveling on state business.

Apparently she's just like one of those 'welfare queens' that Reagan and his minions used to talk about. Sometimes Republican rantings actually come true...eventually.

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