The Shoe-Throwing Story, Day 2 (or 3)

Reviewing the tape(s) of the shoe-throwing incident, I have to say that I'm actually proud of ol' W. for exactly the second time in my whole entire life.

The first time was when he signed a treaty creating a big oceanic green-zone near Hawaii. I suspect his wife made him do it, but motives are irrelevant in evaluating outcomes whether the outcome is an epic fail or a win. In that case, thankfully, it was a win, and while one might be inclined to wonder how Bush could've ruined a perfect FAIL streak by letting a win squeak by like that, I find it's best simply to appreciate it. Say thanks and move on.

And now for the second time ever I felt a little tinge of pride, or at least mild respect, for George W. Bush. After seeing more video footage, I eventually came to think that Bush represented well. Despite the screencap posted the other day, he wasn't a sissy about it at all. He stood tall, and even gestured to his secret service agent (who was embarrassingly late to take a protective posture) to stand down. We've heard him say 'bring it on' before, but we've also seen him take great pains to be far removed from any public demonstrations of disapproval for him. Protests that inevitably accompany Bush visits abroad are typically kept so far away from Bush that he neither hears nor sees them. They might as well be on the moon, if they want to get a message to the cowboy 'from' Crawford. But the one time he stood face-to-face with an aggressive critic, he actually stood tall. By the time the second shoe was thrown, he merely lifted his hand, as though prepared to catch it and throw it back. (I'd actually have loved to have seen that.) Alas the shoe went wide. Out of ammo, the attacker was apprehended.

Bush topped it all off with a joke that was...funny. A funny joke. Improvised. By George W. Bush. I know! It is amazing! "Get all the facts," he said -- and I may be paraphrasing slightly -- "the shoe was a size 10." I doubt that any of this actually went through his hard, dry, little walnut brain, but that's a legitimately funny joke. Scooping reporters with a juicy detail like the size of the shoe that nearly hit him is good comedy. If he were a bright person, he'd have been making a clever critique of the absurdity of the simultaneously ADD and OCD nature of the mass media.

But then he went and fucked it all up, as is (near- (see above)) perfectly typical of Bush. Afterwards, he was recorded blathering on about how it didn't really offend him much, and throwing shoes is pretty meaningless to him, and basically disrespecting Iraqi culture as he has always done by refusing to learn anything about it, even while thinking he could change it.

In the end, the shoe-thrower must be afforded Global Hero of the People of Earth status rather than simply Iraqi folk hero status. Millions of people of all nationalities, including Americans, have likely fantasized about throwing a shoe or two at Bush, or spitting in his eye, or perhaps mentally picturing his body replacing that of somebody on America's Funniest Home Videos suffering some severe crotch trauma.

If Bush were a classy guy, he'd pardon the shoe-thrower (instead of all the criminals who've ever kissed his ass). He'd pardon him because he knows that he killed God knows how many people with bombs from the sky, and taking a couple from a shoe-chucker by way of a response is big progress.

But he's not a classy guy. Instead, he'll pardon Alberto Gonzales and Harriet Miers and Karl Rove and every other boot-licking sycophantic thug who ever served his crime family. You'll see.